Anakosha
A feminine approach to sexual freedom
Emotions & Feelings
Integrating physical, emotional, mental and spiritual
Integrating physical, emotional, mental and spiritual
In order to really enjoy sexual variety (and sex with each other), you should be aware of something you probably never thought about before. Just reading this article, hopefully you will remember it when you start meeting people for private dates or parties.
First, I want to lay the groundwork for what this article is about. Let’s take a moment to look at compatibility. A swinging house party of the type my husband and I have hosted over the years, becomes smooth and happy when couples get to know each other. In our case, we instructed them and prepared them and tested their ability to be intimate with others. There was a training period, which took time. We also weeded out those who would have caused problems. The result was a carefully screened group of couples who knew each other and were compatible. We focused on building trust. Then, because the women were comfortable and wanted to come back, the men were comfortable and wanted to come back and everyone was happy.
Now this type of harmony is often missing in swing parties. I’m uncomfortable at most parties because it doesn't feel very together. It's awkward. I feel antsy. It's because the people are fragmented and uncomfortable themselves. Standing inside the energy fields of people who are nervous and jittery, and drinking alcohol to calm their nerves, and talking too loud, and laughing too hard, it's like, "Get me out of here!"
That's why most house parties start out with a cocktail hour. It gives everyone a chance to relax and become comfortable. They start out greeting each other, perhaps hugging politely, then moving closer to feel each other out. They are trying to be compatible. If they know each other from past parties, it's much easier. But if they are strangers, alcoholic beverages are taken to relieve the stress. There's nothing wrong with a social drink or two. But more than that and the personality is altered. It's not good.
It's not easy for two different people, strangers to one another, each with separate histories, fantasies, fears, emotional pain, physical problems and other differences, to feel compatible. So what happens is, they focus on sex. They jump over the intimacy part, it's too complicated, so they get right into sex. It's easier. This is the general way of most swing parties.
At the parties I have hosted in the past, I have tried to help people feel emotionally and mentally comfortable. There is a whole list of things I pay attention to that I've noticed other party hosts don't. So Anakosha has enjoyed a reputation for having warm, compatible house parties which creates smooth and exciting encounters. Out there in other clubs I don't hear a lot of "smooth" coming back to me. I believe it's because most hosts, most people, are not aware of how important emotional and mental preparation is before entering this lifestyle.
The reason I developed the YIN workshop, which is making its debut with the publishing of this website, is to teach people how to integrate their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects ( PEMS for short) so they are in harmony and at peace with themselves, as a way of preparing for recreational sex with others. Trying to feel sensual with strangers while still feeling nervous and out of sorts, is hard to do.
When you come into swinging cold and unprepared, it can be very uncomfortable. The journey can be rough. You come in rather innocent, assuming everyone is like you. It takes a while to learn that they are not. It's disappointing, hurtful sometimes, confusing, awkward. Like how do you get out of situations you didn't know you were getting into? How do you find the right people?
I'm painting a picture of a common scenario from different stories I've heard. But perhaps knowing about your four separate aspects - PEMS - and the importance of bringing them into alignment, will help. This is an intelligent approach.
You - you being pure spirit - have not one body, but four. Most people are focused on their physical body and think that's all there is, but there are three other bodies you should become aware of. They are called "bodies" because they are separated by function and purpose. Each one has a different role to perform for you.
Your are pure spirit with four bodies covering you. Your physical body is obvious. It is the vehicle you walk around in. The second body, the emotional body, is an invisible overlay that looks exactly like you, but it's lighter than physical being etheric, and its molecules are spread out so it is superimposed over your physical and extends out beyond your physical by several inches. If you were blindfolded, you would be able to feel someone's presence before they touch your skin because your emotional body registers it.
Your emotional body is packed full of repressed emotions which are mostly subconscious. That is its role, to hold emotions in check until you need them or call for them. There's a lot in there. You generally don't pay any attention to the little discomforts or happy thrills that ripple through you during the day. Maybe a flash of sadness, anger, jealousy, righteousness or some other feeling surfaces while you are busy trying to earn a living. You have work to do. You don't have time to listen to emotions so you ignore it and press it down. And re-press it when it pops up again. Repressed emotions are normal and they impact your daily life all the time.
Be aware. When you begin exploring this lifestyle, repressed emotions may start to come out. Whether good or bad, let them come. Take the time to listen to your feelings. Allow them space. Encourage them out. Talk about them with someone who has empathy and understanding. Please don't repress them. They are beautiful gifts.
If your mate does not want to listen, find someone else to talk to. Your feelings are part of the journey. They ARE the journey. Self discovery is what the lifestyle is all about. It's not about sex but about the feelings you have within you that you are striving to let free. It's a sacred quest. Your feelings (you) have been repressed by society, culture and parental programming. The sexual lifestyle is a permissive arena where you can take the lid off your repressed feelings. Be sure to welcome them and allow them to come forward. Pay attention to them.
If what you're contemplating doesn't feel right to you, your emotional body may be rejecting it. It doesn't mean you have to obey it. It means you should talk to it like a friend and listen to its arguments. Ask it why. Work with it. Integrate it into your thinking.
Your mental body has its own set of restrictions for you. It too is invisible. It is more refined, less dense, than the emotions. It is larger and more spread out. It extends about four or five inches or more beyond your skin. You pick up vibrations of a mental nature through it and it also radiates your thoughts into the atmosphere where others can detect them. Your mental body is composed of your beliefs and thoughts, many of which are subconscious. What you learned growing up is stored in your mental body and the program is running even now.
First, I want to lay the groundwork for what this article is about. Let’s take a moment to look at compatibility. A swinging house party of the type my husband and I have hosted over the years, becomes smooth and happy when couples get to know each other. In our case, we instructed them and prepared them and tested their ability to be intimate with others. There was a training period, which took time. We also weeded out those who would have caused problems. The result was a carefully screened group of couples who knew each other and were compatible. We focused on building trust. Then, because the women were comfortable and wanted to come back, the men were comfortable and wanted to come back and everyone was happy.
Now this type of harmony is often missing in swing parties. I’m uncomfortable at most parties because it doesn't feel very together. It's awkward. I feel antsy. It's because the people are fragmented and uncomfortable themselves. Standing inside the energy fields of people who are nervous and jittery, and drinking alcohol to calm their nerves, and talking too loud, and laughing too hard, it's like, "Get me out of here!"
That's why most house parties start out with a cocktail hour. It gives everyone a chance to relax and become comfortable. They start out greeting each other, perhaps hugging politely, then moving closer to feel each other out. They are trying to be compatible. If they know each other from past parties, it's much easier. But if they are strangers, alcoholic beverages are taken to relieve the stress. There's nothing wrong with a social drink or two. But more than that and the personality is altered. It's not good.
It's not easy for two different people, strangers to one another, each with separate histories, fantasies, fears, emotional pain, physical problems and other differences, to feel compatible. So what happens is, they focus on sex. They jump over the intimacy part, it's too complicated, so they get right into sex. It's easier. This is the general way of most swing parties.
At the parties I have hosted in the past, I have tried to help people feel emotionally and mentally comfortable. There is a whole list of things I pay attention to that I've noticed other party hosts don't. So Anakosha has enjoyed a reputation for having warm, compatible house parties which creates smooth and exciting encounters. Out there in other clubs I don't hear a lot of "smooth" coming back to me. I believe it's because most hosts, most people, are not aware of how important emotional and mental preparation is before entering this lifestyle.
The reason I developed the YIN workshop, which is making its debut with the publishing of this website, is to teach people how to integrate their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects ( PEMS for short) so they are in harmony and at peace with themselves, as a way of preparing for recreational sex with others. Trying to feel sensual with strangers while still feeling nervous and out of sorts, is hard to do.
When you come into swinging cold and unprepared, it can be very uncomfortable. The journey can be rough. You come in rather innocent, assuming everyone is like you. It takes a while to learn that they are not. It's disappointing, hurtful sometimes, confusing, awkward. Like how do you get out of situations you didn't know you were getting into? How do you find the right people?
I'm painting a picture of a common scenario from different stories I've heard. But perhaps knowing about your four separate aspects - PEMS - and the importance of bringing them into alignment, will help. This is an intelligent approach.
You - you being pure spirit - have not one body, but four. Most people are focused on their physical body and think that's all there is, but there are three other bodies you should become aware of. They are called "bodies" because they are separated by function and purpose. Each one has a different role to perform for you.
Your are pure spirit with four bodies covering you. Your physical body is obvious. It is the vehicle you walk around in. The second body, the emotional body, is an invisible overlay that looks exactly like you, but it's lighter than physical being etheric, and its molecules are spread out so it is superimposed over your physical and extends out beyond your physical by several inches. If you were blindfolded, you would be able to feel someone's presence before they touch your skin because your emotional body registers it.
Your emotional body is packed full of repressed emotions which are mostly subconscious. That is its role, to hold emotions in check until you need them or call for them. There's a lot in there. You generally don't pay any attention to the little discomforts or happy thrills that ripple through you during the day. Maybe a flash of sadness, anger, jealousy, righteousness or some other feeling surfaces while you are busy trying to earn a living. You have work to do. You don't have time to listen to emotions so you ignore it and press it down. And re-press it when it pops up again. Repressed emotions are normal and they impact your daily life all the time.
Be aware. When you begin exploring this lifestyle, repressed emotions may start to come out. Whether good or bad, let them come. Take the time to listen to your feelings. Allow them space. Encourage them out. Talk about them with someone who has empathy and understanding. Please don't repress them. They are beautiful gifts.
If your mate does not want to listen, find someone else to talk to. Your feelings are part of the journey. They ARE the journey. Self discovery is what the lifestyle is all about. It's not about sex but about the feelings you have within you that you are striving to let free. It's a sacred quest. Your feelings (you) have been repressed by society, culture and parental programming. The sexual lifestyle is a permissive arena where you can take the lid off your repressed feelings. Be sure to welcome them and allow them to come forward. Pay attention to them.
If what you're contemplating doesn't feel right to you, your emotional body may be rejecting it. It doesn't mean you have to obey it. It means you should talk to it like a friend and listen to its arguments. Ask it why. Work with it. Integrate it into your thinking.
Your mental body has its own set of restrictions for you. It too is invisible. It is more refined, less dense, than the emotions. It is larger and more spread out. It extends about four or five inches or more beyond your skin. You pick up vibrations of a mental nature through it and it also radiates your thoughts into the atmosphere where others can detect them. Your mental body is composed of your beliefs and thoughts, many of which are subconscious. What you learned growing up is stored in your mental body and the program is running even now.
If you were raised by college-educated career parents in a Protestant religion and a Republican household in Ohio in the 60's, you've been programmed to live a certain way and believe in that way. While some of your ideas have advanced and changed over the years, you still have the basic program in your mental body. This part of you provides boundaries and parameters. It is a filtering system that keeps you walking the programmed path.
When you enter the lifestyle of sexual sharing, be aware that you may feel somewhat challenged by the sheer audacity of having sex in the open with strangers. You may not be able to accept this new behavior easily. It may go against what you were taught as a child in a severe way. Doing things your parents taught were taboo may be rejected by you at first. Be aware that you are being impacted by old programs still operationg in your subconsious. They are simply doing their job but you can change them.
When you are next presented with a "gulp" moment that freezes you, just remember your mental body program. You are the master of ALL your bodies. You are the one who makes the final decision. You are the one who is capable and entitled to bring them all into alignment. Your many programs that are running out of control and telling you what you can and cannot do, can be deleted or changed. It may take time if the resistance is strong, but remember that you are the master of your whole entire being.
Don't look for answers from other people, and don't let yourself be pushed into anything before you are ready. Talk to yourself and work with your outdated programs. Expand your mind by being kind, loving and patient with yourself. Allow yourself to unfold gradually and gracefully. Be your own best friend and question your resistance. Weigh your potentials.
Personal growth is all about opening creaky old doors that don't want to move at first. But the first step out of the box lets in fresh air and light. The adjustment is starting to happen. It's your right to say, "I'm not ready yet. Maybe later." That way, you're not rejecting it flat cold, but allowing all of you to weigh in. Your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your spiritual attitudes, sense of morality - all of you. Allow yourself to be comfortable. That is the way to rewire yourself and grow a new, more open-minded version of yourself.
Your fourth body is your spiritual body. It is larger than all of the others. It spreads out to maybe 12 inches or 24 inches beyond your body. In great masters it could extend for miles. It depends on how much time you give to it. It is soul knowledge. It contains all your previous life lessons. The spiritual body is above and beyond your conscious mind, unless you are already on the spiritual path. If you are studying spiritual things you are more aware than those who don't.
If you don't think much about spiritual concepts, your spiritual body is still packed with knowledge. You're just not conscious of it. The spiritual body is also a filter, just as the emotional and mental bodies are filters. Your spiritual body has the overview of your whole life. It won't let you do what is not right for you. It's the still small voice of conscience that nudges you with feelings of right and wrong (for you) for whatever reason. It would be good to listen to your spiritual self. It can make life much easier and help you avoid pitfalls.
Each of these four bodies has a different purpose in serving you. Because we have not been taught about them, per se, they have been allowed to run their own show and remain separate. In most people they are not in sync. Not aligned. People drink and take drugs to try to ease the pain of being out of balance with their subtle energies.
People are so accustomed to feeling bad these days, that it is not even unusual. We don't know why we feel bad or jealous or wired or confused or depressed or bored, it's just life. Life is not perfect and we learn to live with the discomfort. Discontent and friction are normal. However, if your four bodies were suddenly in sync, you would be surprised at the level of soft peace that would surround you. You would definitely notice the difference. It is the reason why meditation, yoga and other such practices are becoming more popular. These practices are helping them back into wholeness again.
Your physical knows what it is doing; your emotional knows what it is doing; your mental knows what it is doing; and your spiritual knows what it is doing. But in so many people these aspects are not in alignment. Instead they are living separate lives because the master of the house hasn't pulled them together. They might as well be four different people living in one body, like a schizophrenic.
For example, your mind may be mulling over the idea of how to enter this lifestyle. You've mentioned it to your wife but she didn't respond. So now what do you do? Various scenarios play out in your mind. You are an intelligent person. You know you have to handle this just right. You have mental fantasies about it but you're also afraid. Your emotional body is churning. It has different ideas about it. There is a clutching in your stomach. You don't want to rock the boat. Maybe it's not the right thing to do.
Your spiritual body may not be saying too much. You may be Catholic and your priest may have said it's a sin to enjoy sex outside of marriage, but you haven't been to church in years and you don't really believe it. Or do you? A little bit of concern there, but you push it down. Would that be fear? Or guilt? Well, that's not important right now because you are in the process of making supper for the kids and you have to help them with homework. Your physical body is busy and you're tired, and you have a meeting in the morning. Still, the thought of swinging gives you an arousing tingle. A normal day in your life.
Integrating PEMS is done by becoming still. Sitting down in a comfortable place and stopping the mind. Anywhere that is quiet and away from the TV, computer, phone and other people. With nobody to talk to and nothing to do, you focus your attention on breathing, emptying your mind. Breathing and emptying and you will notice yourself becoming more peaceful by the moment. It is not necessary to go to a meditation class. Just a few minutes a day without phones, people, computer, radio or TV and allow yourself to relax and be still. It will all come together. It's really quite simple.
By coming to a natural stillness every day, not through drink or drugs, but naturally by allowing yourself to fall into stillness, you allow the integration of the PEMS. From this quiet place you are in touch with yourself. Your emotional body is not putting up any warnings, your mental body is not arguing with you, your physical body is at rest and your spiritual body is quietly filling you with a sense of gratitude and wisdom. For a little while your mind is clear.
By integrating these four aspects every day, you become a more peaceful and wise person. In the recreational sex lifestyle your encounters will be so much more confident and happy. It's not a matter of success or failure but enjoyment. Your buzzing frenetic energy will no longer push people away. Your peaceful aura will permit them to approach you. By being comfortable emotionally, mentally and spiritually, your whole life will improve. Your relationships, your love life, your family life, your career, everything, as you practice this great trick that the masters learned down through the ages.
As you step out into clubs to meet other couples for recreational sex, just remember to take some deep breaths and allow yourself to feel the peace of being a whole and united person. Your aura will feel warm and comfortable to others nearby, because YOU will feel warm and comfortable within yourself. Whether you are a man or a woman, the opposite sex will be attracted to you.
When you enter the lifestyle of sexual sharing, be aware that you may feel somewhat challenged by the sheer audacity of having sex in the open with strangers. You may not be able to accept this new behavior easily. It may go against what you were taught as a child in a severe way. Doing things your parents taught were taboo may be rejected by you at first. Be aware that you are being impacted by old programs still operationg in your subconsious. They are simply doing their job but you can change them.
When you are next presented with a "gulp" moment that freezes you, just remember your mental body program. You are the master of ALL your bodies. You are the one who makes the final decision. You are the one who is capable and entitled to bring them all into alignment. Your many programs that are running out of control and telling you what you can and cannot do, can be deleted or changed. It may take time if the resistance is strong, but remember that you are the master of your whole entire being.
Don't look for answers from other people, and don't let yourself be pushed into anything before you are ready. Talk to yourself and work with your outdated programs. Expand your mind by being kind, loving and patient with yourself. Allow yourself to unfold gradually and gracefully. Be your own best friend and question your resistance. Weigh your potentials.
Personal growth is all about opening creaky old doors that don't want to move at first. But the first step out of the box lets in fresh air and light. The adjustment is starting to happen. It's your right to say, "I'm not ready yet. Maybe later." That way, you're not rejecting it flat cold, but allowing all of you to weigh in. Your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your spiritual attitudes, sense of morality - all of you. Allow yourself to be comfortable. That is the way to rewire yourself and grow a new, more open-minded version of yourself.
Your fourth body is your spiritual body. It is larger than all of the others. It spreads out to maybe 12 inches or 24 inches beyond your body. In great masters it could extend for miles. It depends on how much time you give to it. It is soul knowledge. It contains all your previous life lessons. The spiritual body is above and beyond your conscious mind, unless you are already on the spiritual path. If you are studying spiritual things you are more aware than those who don't.
If you don't think much about spiritual concepts, your spiritual body is still packed with knowledge. You're just not conscious of it. The spiritual body is also a filter, just as the emotional and mental bodies are filters. Your spiritual body has the overview of your whole life. It won't let you do what is not right for you. It's the still small voice of conscience that nudges you with feelings of right and wrong (for you) for whatever reason. It would be good to listen to your spiritual self. It can make life much easier and help you avoid pitfalls.
Each of these four bodies has a different purpose in serving you. Because we have not been taught about them, per se, they have been allowed to run their own show and remain separate. In most people they are not in sync. Not aligned. People drink and take drugs to try to ease the pain of being out of balance with their subtle energies.
People are so accustomed to feeling bad these days, that it is not even unusual. We don't know why we feel bad or jealous or wired or confused or depressed or bored, it's just life. Life is not perfect and we learn to live with the discomfort. Discontent and friction are normal. However, if your four bodies were suddenly in sync, you would be surprised at the level of soft peace that would surround you. You would definitely notice the difference. It is the reason why meditation, yoga and other such practices are becoming more popular. These practices are helping them back into wholeness again.
Your physical knows what it is doing; your emotional knows what it is doing; your mental knows what it is doing; and your spiritual knows what it is doing. But in so many people these aspects are not in alignment. Instead they are living separate lives because the master of the house hasn't pulled them together. They might as well be four different people living in one body, like a schizophrenic.
For example, your mind may be mulling over the idea of how to enter this lifestyle. You've mentioned it to your wife but she didn't respond. So now what do you do? Various scenarios play out in your mind. You are an intelligent person. You know you have to handle this just right. You have mental fantasies about it but you're also afraid. Your emotional body is churning. It has different ideas about it. There is a clutching in your stomach. You don't want to rock the boat. Maybe it's not the right thing to do.
Your spiritual body may not be saying too much. You may be Catholic and your priest may have said it's a sin to enjoy sex outside of marriage, but you haven't been to church in years and you don't really believe it. Or do you? A little bit of concern there, but you push it down. Would that be fear? Or guilt? Well, that's not important right now because you are in the process of making supper for the kids and you have to help them with homework. Your physical body is busy and you're tired, and you have a meeting in the morning. Still, the thought of swinging gives you an arousing tingle. A normal day in your life.
Integrating PEMS is done by becoming still. Sitting down in a comfortable place and stopping the mind. Anywhere that is quiet and away from the TV, computer, phone and other people. With nobody to talk to and nothing to do, you focus your attention on breathing, emptying your mind. Breathing and emptying and you will notice yourself becoming more peaceful by the moment. It is not necessary to go to a meditation class. Just a few minutes a day without phones, people, computer, radio or TV and allow yourself to relax and be still. It will all come together. It's really quite simple.
By coming to a natural stillness every day, not through drink or drugs, but naturally by allowing yourself to fall into stillness, you allow the integration of the PEMS. From this quiet place you are in touch with yourself. Your emotional body is not putting up any warnings, your mental body is not arguing with you, your physical body is at rest and your spiritual body is quietly filling you with a sense of gratitude and wisdom. For a little while your mind is clear.
By integrating these four aspects every day, you become a more peaceful and wise person. In the recreational sex lifestyle your encounters will be so much more confident and happy. It's not a matter of success or failure but enjoyment. Your buzzing frenetic energy will no longer push people away. Your peaceful aura will permit them to approach you. By being comfortable emotionally, mentally and spiritually, your whole life will improve. Your relationships, your love life, your family life, your career, everything, as you practice this great trick that the masters learned down through the ages.
As you step out into clubs to meet other couples for recreational sex, just remember to take some deep breaths and allow yourself to feel the peace of being a whole and united person. Your aura will feel warm and comfortable to others nearby, because YOU will feel warm and comfortable within yourself. Whether you are a man or a woman, the opposite sex will be attracted to you.
