Integrating sex and spirituality
Future sex will become more sacred
On a practical level, sex in the normal sense is a portal to higher consciousness but only when it is respected. Respect is an elevation of thought chosen by the mind. The higher the respect level, the higher the experience one may have during the intimate act. Let's say respect is the lowest level. From there, one may rise a bit higher through appreciation, then a little higher still through gratitude, then a bit higher through joy, higher still through reverence, and yet higher through adoration, praise and so on.
All of these thoughts, when held in the mind, are different frequencies. They put out and generate different waves that vibrate with feelings. They are felt viscerally, internally, as feelings when entered into. When thoughts are focused on these feelings, which one must practice with to better identify which is which, it is possible to "fix" them into that frequency like a laser beam or a flashlight held by the mind's attention.
When the mind wanders like a lost soul, mental attributes diminish and become defused. So the power of mind is developed by practicing with these higher states of consciousness, combined with the ability of mind to hold that focus. That is when the quality focused upon becomes a feeling. Mind must hold the focus long enough that it descends into density, which is the physicalness. Sensuality is a held thought focused on long enough to become physical.
In our culture we have not been trained in this art. Most people think sensuality is an accident that comes from some mysterious chemistry between people. That is far from the truth. We MAKE our sensual feelings by focusing on the quality we want. We "make" love by thinking and holding love in our thoughts, not by diddling the yoni or lingam.
When we focus our conscious minds on our heart we can become more loving. The brain is the computer where intelligence is received from higher planes and stored. The body is where love is received from higher planes and stored. It's a step-down process. The two go hand-in-hand. We receive intelligence (light) and love from higher planes. The mind receives and passes it down into the body by holding it and directing it downward. The body receives it as sensuality. Mind and body must work together to create a loving sensuality. They walk the path together.
When we focus on the third eye, specifically the middle of the brain where the pineal gland is, we receive intelligence from our higher self. Our God-self. The third eye must open to receive. Until it opens, it can open and close randomly, the third eye mostly recycles what intelligence it has already accumulated. But we can receive more. We are infinite creators. For example, one does not simply "make up" or pretend an emotion of adoration. One must think the thoughts like "I love you, I adore you, I revere you, you are beautiful, you are so precious to me," thoughts of that nature. As one builds a momentum of this type of thought, which you can think silently, it doesn't have to be outloud, it raises your consciousness until you are literally singing these adoring phrases out loud. You are opening and receiving the beautiful higher conscious that is infinite and close to the creator and the angels of heaven, even as you are a physical body.
Your heart, which is where your true God-self is anchored, automatically kicks into action. The cells of the body, yours and your lover's, are stirred by this thought-triggered emotion of loving adoration because your are setting into motion the vibration of higher and ever-higher frequencies.
If one is going to pursue this path, the first thing to consciously change is to stop using the dirty words common to our culture which we think are sexy and cute. They are not. They carry very low energy in them. They pull you down to the basic animal sex. These are downward-spiraling thoughts. They are heavy with not only animal instinct but unresolved and undesired instincts of terror, fear, hurt, pain, and more. The way to change them is to think the high thoughts mentioned above, starting with "I love you," silently in your mind.
Think words of love, praise and gratitude and as you say these words silently, pretty soon new beautiful words start to flow forth on their own. You are consciously building a new momentum, taking it away from the old ways and carving out a groove that is new. New neurons are created and put to work in your brain. You are literally bush-whacking a path through the tangle and undergrowth of the wild forest.
It is consciously directed thoughts that tap you into the love energy stored on the high shelf of the heart. You have to reach up for them. These silent words spoken silently in the heart enter into the blood stream as the heart pumps, pumps, pumps your blood, and carries the vibrations of your words on the flow of the blood going all through your body and transferring it via vibration to your lover and your lover's body. These words are literally being woven, as you speak them, whether silently or whispering them out loud, into the fabric of your muscles and tissues and elevating you to higher planes of consciousness and physicality. They are bringing more light and goodness into you. It is a spiritual journey. Making sexual love is a sacred act when it is done this way. Sacred does not mean somber. Sacred means joyful, light-hearted and fun-loving.
Sacred sex is loving, light-hearted sex. Most individuals you meet on the street would not know what sacred sex is. Most people don't know what Tantra is but they are drawn to the word, like flies to honey because there is a vibration to it. A sweetness. A light. Love. If you are ever asked about sacred sex, you will know what it is. It is light-hearted sex raised to the highest level of love you can imagine or build. And it comes from the heart.
Through the use of conscious focus on love, gratitude, joy, and other words you can come up with, you can expand sexual energy from the groin to the heart, to the head, to the arms, fingers, legs, toes and higher, into the etheric body, the mental body and the feeling body, and out through the physical body. And you can do this with any partner you happen to be in bed with. You do not "love" this one particular person, you enter into the energy of love, appreciation, reverence, gratitude and joy within yourself. It is a loving relationship with yourself, and then you share it with whoever you are with. This is how you can love many people, and not be confined to one person for the rest of your life - which does not mean you do not have responsibilities once you enter into an arrangement by contract and agreement. We all have ethical responsiblities to be morally committed to our agreements.
The skill requires developing within self. It lies within the morals and principles of each person. The skill does not lie within the partner to make you feel good. In fact, the one special person at home is the most difficult partner to work with because of repeated patterns that develop over time. Intimate practice time with other people is beneficial, to enhance the lovemaking at home. Committed relationships need to expand into love in order to endure. Often, it is easier to work with a partner you are not familiar with.
A man or woman can become quite a famous lover by learning the art of sacred sex which is using consciously controlled thoughts of love and appreciation during the act of sex. The sex partner will feel it IF it is genuine and not contrived. This is the truer concept of tantric love-making. It is creating the love first within yourself and then sharing it. It is an advanced form of love-making. The traditional form of sex and love, as when boyfriend and girlfriend fall in love and form an exclusive relationship, wears off in time unless - unless - they learn the art and skill of maintaining a momentum of love which comes from their higher selves, not what is customarily done, which is taking each other for granted.
Every couple starts out on a honeymoon high, a wave of love for one another. It's called "new relationship energy". NRE for short in polyamory circles. But in time new relationship energy descends into taking one another for granted. Boredom sets in and then possession due to not being fulfilled and not understanding what happened to the high of earlier days and wanting to get it back but not knowing how. The grip tightens on possessing each other and knowing what each other is doing in their absence. It turns into jealousy at glances at other women or other men. The problem is lack of love within self. Loving yourself brings such a feeling of well-being and security that you cannot be afraid of losing your mate. You want him or her to be as free as you feel.
Typically, a couple falls into cultural habits. Everyone does it, we think to ourselves. It is expected. Taking one another for granted. Limits are placed on behavior, jealousy follows and suffocation is the result as we, ourselves, hold ourselves back and remain increasingly unfulfilled because we are looking to our partner/mate to provide us with everything. They can't. They simply can't fulfill you on all the deep levels you are. Our needs are repressed. Our past lifetimes are filled with this pattern of behavior, because monogamy and possession of each other has been the cultural habit for thousands of years. We do it over and over and over. We are still doing it today, but today there are new inroads being made.
How to change this pattern? Talk about it. Find ways to open your relationship with others. Go slowly. Talk honestly. Do not hide or repress your feelings. Having intimate encounters with others should be done without cheating. In open agreement, or as best as possible. Be careful of your relationship. You entered into it. Be responsible for your part in keeping it intact. Honesty is the only way to maintain a relationship. Hiding the truth from one another is a downward spiral.
The swinging lifestyle continues to grow because it works. Couples can experiment and practice feelings that are different than the ones they have at home. They can stretch beyond the rigid confines of a one-person ownership. Love is renewed at home when each partner is pleased with themselves for giving their partner the freedom to go with another person. If there is a problem, hopefully they will try again and work through it. It comes with a struggle and perseverance to get back on the horse with determination to change the game into a positive, more light-hearted one.
The world has changed. The goodness of monogamy remains but the hurtful and suffocating aspects of monogamy are changing. It is a new age. When newness is brought into the relationship - and it's is up to each couple to decide, together, how newness is brought into their lives, there is more freedom in the world.
We do not have the right to repress our partner, and more important is it not to repress ourselves. Our first responsibility is to self. It is through the conscious use of love during sex that sex changes to lovemaking. This is making sex into sacred sex. A relationship includes the necessity of being honest. No cheating. A single person not committed can have as many lovers as desired, but when a relationship begins to form, honesty starts to play an important role. Otherwise, love is not being included in that relationship.
Cheating is an aspect of not-love. It seems to be universal today because monogamy as a cultural rule has everyone in its vice-like grip. The advice is, if someone is suffocating in a relationship that is too rigid, talk. Talk about it to the partner. Talk, talk, talk. There is no way that a relationship can continue to be stuck if there is talking about it. Sometimes one must insist on a sit-down meeting across a table when all else fails. Sometimes saying something in passing and going out the door, does not work. Give yourselves honest discussion times periodically.
Every couple in the lifestyle of swinging today, has "talked about it". That's in quotes because talking about it is the one common rule in swinging. You have to open the discussion and talk about it. A couple can agree to just about anything if they talk about. They cannot move themselves past the stuck point of boredom and suffocation and even depression, if they don't. There are any number of ways they can relieve the suffocation, boredom and depression. It is the first rule of love - to be real by revealing your true feelings. Be brave. Initiate the "talk".
Be the brave warrior of your own heart by daring to step forward and stand in the sunlight of your own self, revealing yourself. The worst thing that can happen is an argument or a slammed door or temper tantrum - and then it passes. All things do pass. Do not be afraid. There are worse things that could happen. A person will be surprised at how good he/she feels when they take a stand like that. It is because they draw on inner power and when you draw on inner resources you open the door to even more of the same. A person is so much more than he/she thinks they are.
When you adopt a truly loving and authentic attitude, you find healing and support. It is through one's own heart that you find solutions that are unique for you and your situation. Each person must take responsibility for his or her own thoughts and direct them to the heart, if they want to become more real and more authentic and to change their life from boring to exciting.
Regarding sex and lovemaking, it is not in the movement of hip against hip or groin against groin, but in the movement of loving thoughts-made-into feelings, where one does not want to hurt another. The physical anatomy of sex is secondary and will take care of itself when the time comes. The focus on reverence, joy, appreciation and respect is what releases the deepest, best and most pure parts of a person, the highest and most refined ideals and motivations. This is what fills the body with turn-on feelings we call sensuality. It is love and it comes from the heart and the mind.
Tantra, as it is traditionally taught, is with one special partner who is willing to work with you consciously, and it is "work". There is a lot of practice time. Couples were opposites. For centuries men and women had to really "work" at it to find a higher place in themselves because it did not come natural to them. There has been animosity between men and women for a long time.
Today we are seeking a new dawn happening. The swinging lifestyle is producing understanding between men and women. They are enjoying sex with each other on a higher plane. Mars and Venus are working it out.
But still, today, monogamy is stifling a lot of individuals. They are not able to "talk the talk". One person may really want to explore having sex with other people, but the other may not. Often it's the man taking the initiative and he is trying to talk his lady into trying it with him. When your partner has no interest whatever in doing this with you, then what do you do? Do you put your urge for more sacred love on hold forever?
The only solution lies within one's own heart and inner being. Each person has a higher self that has all the answers. But those answers are usually buried beneath the layers upon layers of belief systems. There are so many factors to consider when inviting someone in to open up the monogamous relationship. These factors cannot be articulated. They must be felt as one walks through it, step by step. And beginning "the talk" is the first step. To try to "set someone up" is a mistake. Authenticity cannot be manipulated with much success. The heart is overlighted by the higher self, which marches to a different tune than the human being which is weighed down by limited beliefs and fantasies.
Sex is a journey that involves your genitals. Spirituality is a journey that involves your ideals. Sex involves the lower body, spirituality involves the heart and head and higher. Most people in the lifestyle do not take into consideration the heart and head, but they GET THERE ANYWAY! This is such an important point. The sexual lifestyle known as swinging is a higher path because people have to be polite, tolerant, and respectful. That lifts them above the non-swinging individual who is still monogamous or cheating on the side.
Many people associate intimacy with emotional pain so they want to just "have sex" only and not get into the bonding of heart, mind and soul, which is true lovemaking. Most women have shame associated with their genitals, and many men do too. They may THINK they don't if they were raised in the locker-room mentality of "men are men", but take them out of the locker room and connect (if you can) with their higher heart as I have done, you will find a great deal of resistance. I honestly did not know this five years ago, how hurt they are. How damaged and alone they feel. They want sex badly because it is the only time they feel love coursing through their body.
The fear of being emotionally hurt again - and this fear stems from lifetime after lifetime - is the impetus to rush the sex to completion to get it over with fast. Sacred sex and tantra is about slowing down and connecting with those emotions. Tantric goddesses are popping up everywhere these days because the age of male-dominance has come to an end and the age of the feminine is rising. It is the age of Aquarius made popular by The Fifth Dimension. The feminine in all of us will rule. Peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars, as the says. With the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, which is the rise of the feminine gentleness in everyone, harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust will abound. There will be no more falsehoods or derisions.
When the feminine starts to rise in a man, intimacy exposes the underbelly of pain. It makes a man vulnerable because he feels soft and pure and innocent of heart. This is what he has been guarding himself against and steel himself so he won't feel it. It is the feminine in him. He feels afraid but that is why a man should try to find that soft underbelly within himself, and take every opportunity to step into with eyes wide open. Opening "the talk" with a primary partner is an essential part of the journey because this is meeting vulnerability head on, and hiddenwithin vulenrability is strength and power.
One doesn't know this until stepping into it. It feels as if you are stepping off a 14,000 foot cliff into the air to experience free fall. It is not required that your partner approve what you open "the talk" with. It is only required that you speak from your heart and be true to your own underbelly of feelings. This is important (when the time comes) because your partner is entangled and enmeshed with you, emotionally and mentally. Disentangle yourself. If you duck out, cower out and do something without your partner's knowledge, guilt will move in quickly and harden you all over again, for you MUST steel yourself from feeling that emotional pain. Also, it is possible that your partner will know anyway, at least on a subconscious level. It's not easy to fool someone with a cheating affair. Some get away with it but not many.
Be free of guilt so you can be whole before starting out on the path of sexual self discovery. Sex is a powerful gift that has been given to human beings to experience the joy of heaven while still in a physical body. The orgasm itself has been called the "vibration from Home". It was given to us to enjoy, not just to produce children as the churches say. We know that because the female clitoris has no other function than pleasure, according to science. If it were true that females were ONLY made to reproduce for men, and gave men the pleasure only, why would there be a clitoris in a woman?
To enjoy the sensations and pleasures of the gods, as we were made in their image, then we need to start behaving god-like and goddess-like, meaning with beauty, grace, dignity, love-filled and joy-filled. True, there are schools of thought that steer us up to thee lofty regions but they also steer us away from our sexuality - and away from the richness that is possible to feel in our earthly bodies. Our juices are the physical manifestation of primal energy which flows like rivers through the spine, the heart, the blood, everywhere in the body. We can pour negative depraved thoughts into our that primal energy, which is neutral, or we can pour lofty thoughts of grace and love to elevate our sexual encounters.
In my opinion, sexuality is being redefined in these years. The lifestyle of swinging and swapping partners is merely a forerunner of what is to come. As the Earth shifts astrological signs from Pisces to Aquarius, begun in 2000, so are our bodies and minds shifting and changing. We are realigning with the feminine grace and gentleness. The masculinity in us - in women too - is changing and letting go of personal power and control to a greater power and greater control which is celestial. Cosmic in origin. Astrological signs are more easily readable as waves of love are coming in.
We are healing. Sex with love is healing. It opens gateways to the heavens within ourselves. We do have a heaven within. As we look at sex as sacred it does not require your partner to also look at sex as sacred. Your partner does not need to think like you do. This is an inner journey. You are only responsible for your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
Swinging is like grand-central station, many people coming and going from different places, different cultures with different belief systems. Some are negative, some positive, some neutral and just colorful. Some are weird and dangerous. The only way to make swinging beautiful and good for you, the only way to protect yourself, is to magnify the positive. Own your own thoughts and feelings and strengthen them with love. Don't be sucked into losing your power to someone else by doing things you don't want to do, or perhaps prematurely before you are ready, which make you unhappy. Own yourself and your feelings and speak them out loud. Be authentic and true to yourself. Be in the energy of love inside of yourself, in your mind and your heart, and you can't go wrong because you will be unable to hurt others or pressure them or control them when love is present within. Then you will be free and enjoy the freedom to love, and the love of freedom.
Be aware of the WHOLE person, not just the physical person. Be aware of the limitations of this person, their boundaries and their fears - and love them regardless. Love them back into wholeness again. We are all fragmented, every single one of us. We wouldn't be earth-bound if we were truly free. But our work is to GET whole by taking the wholesome role of caring, intelligence, consideration, empathy - all of the words that we would call good. These are the high ideals we are here to manifest in our lives and behavior. We improve ourselves as we do. We can do this as whether we are in a monogamous committed relationship or experimenting with the lifestyle of swinging. We can change a smothering unhappy relationship at home, into a refreshing, loving encounter at home, by applying some of these beautiful and graceful methods. These are the moral principles that religions use to guide us, but they are also applicable in sexual encounters too - and in every situation you can think of: politics, business, neighbor relations, social projects, art, music, science, whatever and wherever. By taking focus off of the form and the goal, and putting focus on considered thought and feeling, we can change the world in which we live and move and raise our families. The form is not important; the energy we put into the form is.
Sex the way most of us do it is rather unconscious. When we are young we let our hormones lead us. As we grow older we follow the same behavior and wonder why we don't enjoy it so much. Many people never get the change to let their hormones lead but are abused when young, shutting them down. Then we become powerless to speak true for ourselves. Instead we allow our bodies to be used as victim or subservient. It's all due to unresolved issues of past lives which feed us, prompt us, remind us that there are issues we HAVE TO CHANGE.
Our earth bodies are animal bodies. We are spirit living in an animal body. As long as we are unaware that we are spirit living in an animal body, we will continue to be the victim or the abuser, one or the other, the way the animals are in the wild. As we wake up to realize that we are a thinking, intelligent, celestial being, living in a body, and that we can CHANGE our life by changing our thought and bringing our power out into action, we are on the right track to a full and abundant life. We have the capacity to rise above it with our thoughts which in turn feed our feelings. Sex is the gift of the gods. It comes in three parts. Each part needs to be considered separately. The physical body, take good care of it, keep it active, feed it good foods, don't eat toxic food. (2) the subconscious, past life issues that keep popping up saying, "Look at me! Look at me!" (3) the mental body, the conscious mind. And (4) the feeling body, which is that part of you which feels and feeds you with impressions not able to be articulated. Pay attention to these perceptions because the feeling body is the pathway to the purity of spirit.
I have been studying sex first hand for a long time, actually for lifetimes. I have found that swinging is a first step out of the box. It reaches past many boundaries that formerly kept us locked into a prison. The journey is well underway to higher ground if we are participating in couples swinging. Each individual steps outside the box of monogamy in his or her own time. It can't be rushed. But it is a sure sign of coming into the new age when a couple - a man and a woman together - agree to explore their sexuality with others with grace, dignity and respect if not love. It shows they have grown beyond ownership of each other. They have agreed on what behavior they will follow.
It is a sane and logical path for two people in a relationship. It is not jumping off a cliff to see what happens. They pre-plan it because they are growing beyond the first two chakras which are the animal chakras (survival and tribal). The first chakra is a powerful fight and flight energy needed in order to survive. The second is the tribal energy which gathers in tight family for ownership and protection. The third chakra is the awakening of personal identity. Personal power endows the growing soul with the knowledge that he or she can grow and evolve separate from the birth community. It is the beginning of reaching upward to higher ground, to evolve and become better and express what is growing within the heart and mind.
The majority of the population have been operating within the third chakra, which is the individual power energy, the "me" energy. We have been exploring ourselves in this energy for many lifetimes over the last 2000 years. We are now passing out of the third chakra and into the fourth chakra and into the Age of Aquarius, which is the heart. There is much to experiment with here, among which is the unifying energy of love, healing of factions, the ending of war and the dark forces of evil. Those who cannot go with the new flow of the heart will drop out naturally, one way or the other, as is inevitable when the tide turns because the ocean is bigger than individual ego.