Anakosha
A feminine approach to sexual freedom
Polyamory
Our dream for a singles division
Our dream for a singles division
 The joy of learning
 The joy of playing
The joy of love
The joy of talking
The joy of adventure
The joy of seduction
The joy of spirituality
The joy of learning
The joy of playing
The joy of love
The joy of sharing
The joy of adventure
The joy of seduction
The joy of embracing
| Polyamory - free to love as you choose
Polyamory is loosely referred to as "poly" by those experimenting in alternative relationships strict monogamy. Most swinging couples are still monogamous, but polyamory goes a step beyond into more freedom. Let's explore polyamory. Poly could mean an open marriage or a triad or a group marriage or something else. It is a personal arrangement that you and others decide upon. Poly goes beyond swapping. If your live-in partner doesn't want to be poly and you do, your relationship is on the brink of change. Poly means taking back your freedom to love who you want. The word translates into poly = many and amor = love. Loving many is the literal translation. It usually refers to intimate relationships but not necessarily. You could have a close intellectual friend with whom you spend time which does not overlap into sexual. Your wife or husband would probably find that just as threatening as a sexual relationship. If you are a monogamous couple, you would feel guilty spending that kind of time with your friend, away from your home. But if you are polyamorous you would not feel guilty because you are autonomous. You are free to associate with whom you please, when you feel, without restrictions imposed by someone else. Pollies form alliances from their heart They tend to be intellectually motivated and positive thinkers. Not all pollies are of a higher mind and interested in betterment, but they tend to have a more open mind, and pursue answers and solutions by taking the high road rather than the low. In other words, they are not selfish, needy or greedy. Gatherings of pollies tend to revolve around discussions. They are interested in social improvement to life's problems. Polyamorists have a larger concern and tend to love more people in a bigger way. Perhaps they have deeper needs. They try to fill those needs in a non-selfish way, without hurting someone close to them, but sometimes an individual needs to make a hard break from tradition to evolve. Entering into swinging is an attempt to fill an emptiness, or a need for more stimulation. Why does Anakosha want a Poly group? Anakosha has evolved out of swinging. Its roots are in swinging but it grew aware of deeper needs which couples swinging could not handle well. There are many individuals who started out in the couples lifestyle but now are widowed, divorced or separated and are now single. For 17 years Anakosha tried to fit single friends into the couples scene but it has been difficult. We care for our single friends, but swinging is about swapping partners. You need a balanced ratio of men to women. If a single person attends a party and doesn't have a partner to swap, they are a a free radical. Swinging friends try to include them but the single feels like a fifth wheel. It has not worked smoothly, neither for the couples nor for the single. It is sad because the single has spent years in the warm and loving embrace of friendship as part of a couple, and now it's over. They can feel they don't fit. Poly is for singles A single individual has different needs from a couple. They have a need for that one special person they can go home with. They have sexual and intimacy needs like everyone else. They were able to fulfill those needs, at least partially, through the couples swing scene. But now they seek intimate friends they can spend more time with than swinging allows. They want someone to date, to linger with, focus on, spend the night with. They can't do that with someone else's husband or wife. We have met many single people in the lifestyle and we are sad for them. We don't know how to fit them in. For that reason we would like a singles division. Honesty and transparency What started polyamory were people who were once single who didn't want to go back into a possessive relationship again. They liked the feeling of sexual freedom. They liked the idea of dating. They wanted to break the chains of ownership and resultant jealousy that monogamy tends to foster. They liked the idea of dating. Polyamorists are mature people, dating, but in a more honest and transparent way. They have articulated this over and over. They don't want a second chance to develop more open relationships and not have to hide their feelings for the sake of hurting someone's feelings. Transparency and honesty are the two most essential ingredients in polyamory. In other words, a cheating husband or wife would not be a good polyamorist if they lied about their situation at home. Lying could be a small little lie or a big fat lie, but a poly group would eventually see through it and learn the truth. A healthy relationship has clarity and can see through lies. So can a group. Pollies are out of the closet Swingers don't want anyone to know they are swingers, and go to great lengths to hide it from family and friends. Pollies tend to be loose about it. They are not ashamed of who they are. They are not afraid to be identified as a polyamorist. They are not afraid to tell about their home situation, for example. Maybe they have an invalid wife or husband at home, for whom they are caretakers. But they have personal intimacy needs too, and so they go out and have dates with others. A polyamorist wouldn't be afraid to say that. Or maybe they are married and their spouse do not agree on this path, and their relationship is in trouble. They would not try to hide that fact from others in the group. It would be important to be truthful about the situation, since other singles might be attracted to this person. Polyamory is inclusive as opposed to exclusive. It is a group of free thinkers and free speakers, and the only way you get to be free is by not holding anything back. Disclosure is an important part of polyamory. Polyamory is therefore populated by ethical, honest, sincere and trustworthy individuals. Polyamory is more than sex Swinging was invented for couples to have sexual variety without cheating, but polyamory evolved for other reasons. Where swingers reject emotional involvements, polyamorists are not afraid to become emotionally involved. It is a wide open field of exploration. Many single people are naturally suited for polyamory because they value their freedom and their many friends. Maybe they like living alone. Maybe they don't want to be hooked, or latched onto by someone looking for a mate. Or maybe they do want to fall in love, but with the right person. There's nothing to prevent that from happening. There are no rules. Polyamory is a good group to find compatible friends. Maybe they will fall in love and find themselves moving in together. Who knows? Couples can broaden their horizons Polyamory is very tricky to maneuver. It's not easy. But couples who are seeking more stimulation than can be found at the theater, for example, will be welcome to explore our poly group. That's what it's there for: to provide opportunities for intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical stimulation. Monogamy is fast losing its appeal as one or the other finds it boring at home. But how do you loosen it up after 25 years together? Once the children leave the nest couples look at each other across the table and wonder, "Is our life over?" Well, actually, yes. That phase of life IS over. You raised your kids and the job is done. Now what are you going to do for the rest of your life? Start wrapping it up and making funeral arrangements? These are couples in their 40's, for heaven's sake! And many adults in their 50's who have lost life-long partners are not ready to fold their wings yet either. They are still vital and alive with a zest for living. A step into freedom Society's answer to singledom is to look for a mate, settle down and be quiet. Don't rock the boat. We say, time's they are a'changing. We're moving into a new reality. A new way of life and living. This may not be for everybody, but there's a call of the wild, a call for more freedom, more loving, more variety. Couples who have vowed to stay together until death face a conundrum - a riddle of a perplexing nature. It's time to re-negotiate the life-long contract. A polyamory group would be a transforming experience. It would provide intellectual discussion and freedom to flirt too. Anakosha wants to start a polyamory division. The climate is ripe for it. Have you ever noticed how clear, high and turned on you are after spending several hours with a stimulating group? It's mind expanding. And there's sensual permission too. Singles rules would apply In swinging, we abide by couples' rules. In polyamory we would abide by singles' rules. That means in swinging we protect the relationship if there is a problem. In a poly group, that would be reversed. We would protect the individual first if a problem arose. For example, if a man struck up a connection with another man's wife, and they appeared to be having a warm and wonderful rapport and the husband complained, we would remind him "singles rules apply, let them be." When a couple arrives at a poly meeting, they both agree they are attending as singles. Each person is autonomous and self-governing. When we began allowing singles into our couples parties, this was the type of complication we noticed. If a couple was threatened by a single, jealousy surfaced. If couples decide to attend a poly gathering they would need to be aware that couples rules do not apply here. You're on your own. Polyamory would have to be organized Polyamory is a loose term used by various people, but it is not an organized way of life. If Anakosha began a polyamory division and started to hold gatherings, there would be a certain amount of organization, although we would want to maintain as little structure as possible. We are educators and organizers. Rules would be needed to help guide attendees in knowing how to behave and what to expect. It's the civilized way, otherwise there would be anarchy. Without rules there would be no group. There would be no gathering. If you opened your front door and invited everybody in town to come in, your house would be trashed if you didn't give them some direction. In a free-for-all where no rules apply, the strongest people dominate and take charge over the weaker ones. It's the natural selection process. So we need a few basic rules. Pollies would meet separately from couples Anakosha was originally founded on the couples lifestyle. It has grown past that but it continues to maintain a strong focus on couples who want only to interact with other couples. By and large, couples don't want singles in their midst. For that reason a poly group in Anakosha would need to be a separate group from the couples. Our intention is to sponsor such a group. It's not here yet. This new website for Anakosha is being launched in November 2011. It will take time for people to show signs of interest and give us feedback. Please feel free to let us know what you think about this concept. All types of people are found in poly groups A poly group would be open to all people - gays and lesbians, transgenders, different nationalities, religions, couples, singles, all ages - and non-English speakers would need to bring their own translator. There would be a screening process to screen out unwanted personalities, such as negative or judgmental attitudes that consistently block the flow of conversation. An open mind is reasonable, a prejudiced mind throws up arguments and takes a stand against. The key words have a higher value ring to them, like embracing change, liberated, adult, intelligent, reasonable, creative, open-minded, honest, unifying, nurturing, caring, supportive, peaceful, loving and open heart, working together. It would have to be this way to attract single women. A focus group on sex will draw men, but women need more than sex to attract them. Most single women want to meet single men for reasons other than sex. Romance, friendship, connection, intelligent conversation to name a few. And it's a lot more stimulating when women are present. To play or not to play We are using the Delaware Valley Synergy of Philadelphia www.dvsynergy.org as our inspiration. Though they do not claim to be a poly group, we observe that they are. They have been in existence for about 20 years so they have history behind them. A calendar of events is posted on their website. A friend from that group explains their meetings are defined as either "play" or "not play". It is obvious what that means. At a play meeting, the bedrooms are open with permission to use them. In a not-play meeting it is strictly social. All gatherings are group discussions with potlucks. They meet to set goals, intentions and plans. We are drawing on DVS to a certain extent, but we will create our own personality in Naples, Florida. We have not attended any DVS meetings but have talked much about this with have long-standing friends in the group. |
