Integrating sexuality and spirituality - breaking the mechanical sex habit with love
Naples, Florida, USA
This website was formerly a couples swing site, but it has broken out of the restrictions of swinging and has evolved to be become an information center for love and the whole body connection. It is no longer a club for swingers but a place for the owner and manager to explore the spiritual aspects of human love. This is a continually evolving process for everyone, and this evolving process causes problems wherever there is a lack of love in the sexual life of a person.
Love means kindness, being honest, not having secrets, being considerate of others, being willing to talk, share and listen, is not demanding and not judgmental. Love is being selfless, not selfish. It is the opening of the heart and a movement from predominantly mind to predominantly heart. When a person is ready to expand in this direction, a certain relaxation occurs. It is no longer called "sex", it is called lovemaking. Sex pertains to the final act involving the genitals. Lovemaking does not necessarily involve the genitals but it can.
A couple makes love when they take the time to engage mentally and emotionally and by the casual and endearing interaction of spontaneous and free touching while talking - embracing in a whole, full-body way without watching the clock and rushing to complete the act. As a couple takes time to talk and compare thoughts, perceptions, intuitive feelings and sharing meaningful aspects of each other's life, the two people align their electromagnetic fields to become more compatible and more unified. The feeling is of love, bonding and closeness. The togetherness becmes more intimate and more heightened. It is the part of love play that women miss - and some men miss - when there is a rush to "have sex". This does not have to be restricted to one's at-home partner. It can be done with casual friends if one is conscious of it and practices it. It is the art of love spoken of in the Kama Sutra. When sufficient buildup occurs the couple may or may not, depending on individual choice, move into sex.
Love means moving beyond restrictions of monogamy, if there is a desire and tendency to do so. Trying to stay inside the legal limits of monogamy has been the biggest single cause of deep personal problems. The biggest barrier to personal growth of all barriers put together. One cannot be free if one is restricted. It is as simple as that. When there is a secret being kept from one's at-home partner, there is a repression in ones own self. One cannot be free if one is hiding something. The only way out is to talk. Communication. Honesty. Being real.
These ideas concerning love, sex, intimacy, relationships, monogamy, polyamory, spirituality, open relationships, swinging, and related subjects are the areas of exploration in this website. As the sole owner and editor, I Diana am in a primary partnership that is open and flexible, with freedom to explore. I am keenly interested in massage and wish to form a group of other people interested in loving touch massage that is non-demanding and who will take the time to cultivate the skills of lovemaking. From time to time over the years I have tried to gather together a loving massage group but have continually failed.
After years in the lifestyle and working and playing with couples, I have found that most women long for intimacy through the slow process, not the fast process that men use. Massage is the ideal way of slowing down the lovemaking process. I think that most men also wish for more intimacy but there is a lack of information about how to do it. It is often thought that you must fall in love with a woman to get to the sex part, but this is not necessarily true.
The difference between men and women is - the female an internal creature and needs to feel a whole-body connection, where as a man is an external creature and seeks a physical connection. It has been said that men build the skeletal forms of the world, and the women fill in the interior with her feelings of comfort and home. While he creates the house, she makes it a home.
These dual and seemingly opposite roles have caused havoc with our sex lives because of opposing points of view, especially in the bedroom. But when love is applied to the seemingly opposite approaches of a man vs. a woman, there is a melting of barriers. Love is a mysterious thing. It changes the dynamics when consciously applied. The man-woman battle has been going on for centuries but we are entering an age of love. The age of Aquarius. We are already starting to see changes. With just a little bit more understanding about the role of love in relationships, individuals drop their jealousies and insecurities and become more permissive and less demanding. Freedom to explore outside the box with honest and open communication is spiritually healthier than covertly cheating outside the box and fearing discovery and then having all hell break lose when it does. There are love techniques that we all must learn in order to survive the coming age.
Our culture has kept the battle of the sexes going in a variety of ways, from our school years with its giggles and snickers, to adult entertainment and domestic quarrels, even rape and violence. We are reminded daily of the differences between men and women, reminders that we are not on the same page, that we are divided, when in fact we are the same underneath. We are not different at all. But it takes some loving understanding to see that. We speak the same language, we have the same needs and the same fears. We need each other and we need love to reach each other. Love is the glue that holds us together. It transcends all outward appearances of differences. But love is something that needs to be used, lived and applied in real life for us to enjoy the benefits.
The male who is deprived of sex must find it or force it, because he needs the energy of the feminine to complete himself. The female who is deprived of love must find it or force it because she needs the male energy to complete herself. We have sex, thinking that is the only way. We are programmed to think that sex is the only way. But there is more to love than sex. There is more to transcending the struggle of every day life.
In a home where there is chronic division, if we had x-ray vision and could see through walls, we would see things we wish we did not because chronic non-joy and non-togetherness affects everyone within the home - the minds, the emotions, the physical well being and the subconscious, as we push unresolved issues down under.
Love is unity consciousness
This website explores the process of unity and togetherness. This is the process of love. How do we love when divisive issues are so apparent? We begin with ourselves. The division - no matter what it is - is between my male side and my female side. I must begin with myself and how I see things. I know that I am normally seeing through female eyes, not male eyes, so this puts me in opposite corner from men most of the time. But that just means I am split inside, energetically, inside myself. The energy is spiritual. This is a spiritual journey I am on, this every day life I live. But I play it out in real life with the people around me. I learn a lot by being involved in the lifestyle of swinging. I have learned not to judge other people or put them down. I have learned about love. And I have been having fun doing it.
The people in our lives consistently reflect back to us what we do not like. Usually these are "hot button" issues. They trigger intense responses. Whether we bite our tongue and remain silent or respond by lashing out, either way we do further damage to ourselves. The lesson is to lighten the world we live in by applying love. It helps us and it helps those around us. Love is intelligent and knows exactly what to do at any given moment. But we need to apply it. Applying love is a conscious act, like picking up a tube of healing ointment and applying it to a wound. Love is innate and it is what we are made of. We MUST use it in our life if we want to become more stable, real and at peace with ourselves. This website is all about love. It is both human and divine. It is the glue that keeps the human and divine connected.
There is a "web of life" which weaves through all of us. It is very real. This web of life is unseen but it can be felt. We feel it most when we are happy or in love. It feels good and it feels natural, as though we belong in that state. The web of life is always there. The natural state of happiness and love is always there in and around us. But we block it off by shifting our focus to external objects. In India the word for web is "tantra". There is a rich legacy in India on tantra that was left by ancient masters. Teachers of the tantric tradition have moved out across the globe in recent years, attempting to teach us, but analytic Westerners have created a whole different meaning around Tantra. We have colored it sexual. The original teaching is about the love that exists and permeates all things, all creatures, all humans. It ties us together in unity and it is love.
Sex is physical, love is not
Sex is what we call the act of human penetration through focus on the lower two chakras of the body. It is a physical act. In contrast, love is not an act but a state of awareness. It is a plane of existence - a web of life that connects us to all that is around us. The only way to reach that oneness state as a human being wanting sex with another human being, is to slow down the body, slow the mind to a standstill, cease all focus, drop all expectations. Then, in that open state of mind, whatever is outside of you enters in and merges with you and you and she or he become one. The shift in consciousness is not desire to ravish her or him sexually, but a loving reverence for life. It is a surrendering of the small self which is needy, to the greater self which is whole and connected to everything - the air, the leaf on the tree, the birds singing, the bed on which you sit and most of all, your lover. The word "sex" doesn't have any meaning then, because you are in a state in oneness. What happens then is beautiful.
The evolution of Anakosha
Anakosha used to be a swing site promoting couples swinging. When I was co-hosting swing parties for couples, I was also studying spiritual law (metaphysics) and practiced trance meditation, yoga and massage. Swinging was my nemesis. It was my teacher and my master. I can see this now from hindsight.
As I worked and played in the lifestyle of swinging (along with my husband) I experienced many ups and downs. Many out-of-body raptures and many plummets into dark places. It was rigorous training. Socially, fun and liberating, it was also painful, like being stretched on a torture rack until I gave in. But I persevered because I knew about love from my meditation training. What was being pulled apart in me was my old programming. The way I was raised. My old beliefs.
Swinging is a powerful spiritual path because it is sexual. Most people hide their sexual issues. In swinging you have to face them. It is not all fun, orgasms and laughter where you can do whatever you want. In order to get along with others in the same boat you have to exert self-discipline. It is inner work. You can't have it your way all of the time because there are others involved. It's a close family and you're all trying to fit in and work it out. So you adapt. You understand. You modify your selfish behavior. Many people have difficulty doing that and drop out, but those who remain are smooth, respectful and do not judge you. You are then part of the inner group.
This was the arena where I practiced and grew up. I grew up more in the lifestyle of swinging than I did in the years prior. There is resistance in every walk of life. I had resistances. They kept popping up. My resistances needed to be broken down, but I learned to apply love to these difficult situations.
Sex vs. love
I recognized early in my swinging career that swingers do not like the word "love". They do not want to use it, nor do they apply it. In swinging people use the first two chakras only, the sex chakras and the root chakra which contains the power of the body, the kundalini that is trying to rise but runs into blocks. Swingers don't face those blocks. Instead they play within the parameters of the first two chakras, hardly ever rising to the five other chakras higher up, including the heart. A few people are more cognizant of their higher realms and have been able to integrate their higher nature with their lower nature, but by and large, swingers remain focused in the lower two chakras. All good people, don't get me wrong. But the whole reason for the gathering and the party, is to focus on sex. It was a good place for me to practice applying love to difficult sexual challenges. In secret, of course, and never talking about it, and being careful not to mention the L word, which swingers don't like to hear or deal with.
Now that I have been integrating sex and spirituality for many years and applying love to all sorts of encounters successfully (blending the two opposites), I feel it is time to open the door and introduce the L word and the teachings about love to the world of swinging. But that means taking it out of swinging and creating a whole new pasture to play in. In order to introduce love into the sexual world, it is necessary to introduce the chakras and consider it a class, not a party.
What are chakras?
Some people don't know about chakras. Many do but very few people understand what they are. The chakras are qualities. They are more of YOU! Chakras have been defined as energy centers in the body, without telling you that it is your own energy that is coming in. The energy is your own spiritual life force. Chakras open and close like your eyes, emitting light or shutting light out.
There are seven major chakras, and many smaller ones. They are portals through which your life force enters your body and world. They heighten the quality of your life. The energy is clean and pure. The energy maintains your body in good healthy condition when the chakras are open and flowing. When one or more of them is closed, it is wise to do some inner work. Massage and meditation helps.
The chakras need to be understood, acknowledged, freshened up, fluffed, cleansed, polished and activated to access the warm and wonderful love qualities in you. It's the next step in the human evolution to integrate spirit and soul more happily and completely into the physical body and every day life. It will bring greater happiness, love, abundance, friendships and opportunities. And more.
We are going through a paradigm shift today. The Earth is rising to new, higher levels, meaning the atomic structure is vibrating faster and spinning off the old, stodgy, stagnant ways. The effects of that shift are earth changes and our own bodies are feeling too small and confining. We have to open doors and liberate the life within us. It is evolving. The whole world is evolving. Closed chakras are holding us back. Our spirits are seeking release.
About this website
This website is first of all a platform for my writings. This is my way of expressing who I am and what I know. Everyone must find their own way to express who they are and what they know. This website has promoted quite a few events over the years, starting out with swing parties, then mini-conventions, beach parties, dinners, discussions, dances, massage parties and more. None of that is happening any more as I move from promoting events to channeling love. This is a new phase for me. I'm not sure where it will lead, but I'll mention any changes in my blog. Love is all there is and Love is very broad. It is difficult to channel this huge Love into something concrete because it loses some of its hugeness in the process. There are no walls or barriers or obstructions in the infinite, but there are in each of us humans. So we will see.
In my experience hands-on loving, caring touch is just about the only way to get the body to FEEL love. Usually it feels stress. Loving, caring massage is felt as sensual but it is actually a healing, cleansing and unifying process. It is amazing how clean and refreshed you can feel when someone massages you with intentional caring and kindness, and with no expectations to have sex. Then there is massaging of not only the body, but the mind, feelings and - yes - the soul. It makes all the difference in the world.
Sexual love is beautiful when this type of massage is given. Love is felt all through the body from head to toe, not stopping prematurely and turning to the sexual chakras. A loving massage will continue for an hour or more, spreading that warm, good feeling all through the whole body, head, fingers, toes, everywhere and not stopping until the whole body is complete. If there is anything I would like to leave you with when you vacate this site, it is to remember to give a warm, loving, unconditional massage to someone you care for. Go ahead and buy a massage table. It will be worth it.
I welcome you to my website. Feel free to roam around, page by page. I maintain this site myself and post blogs often. There are articles here, plus there is a whole book on swinging written by my late husband and me. These were his ideas and his structure. I filled them out from a feminine perspective. The book, entitled "Swinging With Safety" is all about what makes swinging work for couples. People have called it a good "nuts-and-bolts" book on the lifestyle of swinging.
Copyright © 2001-2008 The Anakosha Corporation
Copyright © 2008-2016 Anakosha LLC