Anakosha
A feminine approach to sexual freedom
Articles
The beginning of the journey
Many couples
start their journey of opening their bedroom door, by having an
encounter with just one person first. Or maybe one other couple. The
encounter is usually very personal, very discreet, and the situation has
been nurtured carefully into place so all the parties feel
comfortable.
When the big event happens, it usually takes weeks of imaginative planning to set it up. Perhaps several correspondences. Then telephone calls. Sometimes it takes months, possibly years of persuasion and discussion. It is a gradual process meant to ensure that everything will go well. They want the women to be comfortable because this is a dramatic breakthrough experience, leaping over the wall, and they want it to be happy. They are unsure as to why they are doing it, but they want to.
Bursting free of generations of marital fidelity is done carefully. Leaping over the wall into the wide open field of sexual openness, is set up in secret. The big day comes and goes. If it was a happy encounter, the couple can't go to sleep because they are on such a high. If it is not a happy encounter, they still can't go to sleep because they have to talk. They talk on endlessly into the night and morning hours about what went wrong. The next morning, there is more talk. Suddenly the idea of sexual intimacies with other people is no longer a fantasy. No matter what the outcome was, happy or not, it now falls within range of the possible, the probable and the real.
Most couples enter the lifestyle in this manner. It is exciting and titillating and there is no end to the wellspring of new ideas that bubble up from within. Life takes on new meaning and couples fall in love all over again. Or fall back and regroup, stuck in a no-man's zone. Hopefully, the thrill of discovery charges them. They are starting something new together. They're not cheating or having affairs. The energies, needs and desires for something "more", that were once repressed, are now free. There is mutual agreement and permission.
At this stage, they don't realize that those energies are energies of love. They are opening to more love, both for each other and for themselves. They are going to expand their potential and become bigger people.
They talk about rules and what they can't do and can do. They build parameters around it. Soon they are taking baby steps to reach out to others. Eventually they will be invited to private parties and other events. They may want to join a club or a group of other couples. Are they ready for this? They do not know, but something is urging them on. They are curious and want to see what else is going on in the arena of sexual sharing.
They are excited to try it but they have to be on the same page. First they decide it's a "go", then a "no go". Going to a stranger's home is not exactly comfortable but finally contact is made. What are the people going to be like? Will they expect too much from us? Will we have to perform? Will we like the people or will we have to make a fast exit?
With so many unknowns there is need for structure. While we all would prefer to meet in spontaneous fashion and go with the flow of our own mood, we can't do that with a group of strangers. There are too many unknown factors. Some basic ground rules need to be established first. An orientation or class of some sort may be the right way to go. But where is there such a class?
Civilized behavior exists because of agreed-upon rules by all the people involved. It creates order. People can't do their own thing in a society of many, whenever they want to. It would create disorder and chaos. It is the same way within the network of couples sexual sharing. Everyone agrees to follow a basic format. Otherwise anarchy would prevail and the powerful would dominate the weak.
It is a lifestyle where men learn to step back a few paces and control their appetites, and women learn to step forward to state their position - they are not going to be brainless submissives to every man they meet. They have their own agendas. Both genders need to make subtle changes.
People who have been attending private sexual parties for 10, 20 and 30 years, know this, and know how to fit in. But newcomers have not had the benefit of this orientation. There are unspoken rules here. It is a unique way of life. It is like going to another planet where all the rules are different. To get along, one needs to be nice, and sexually responsible for their actions. They must learn to hold their passions in check because it is not a free-for-all.
The biggest mistake a newcomer MAN makes in a gathering of this type, is to approach a woman as a sex object, with a gleam and a drool. Because if he does he will be on the outside of the circle looking in and wondering why. It is in very bad taste. Women do not want to be treated as sex objects. They will remember you and avoid you in the future. It is better to learn this before it happens, instead of after. Be a gentleman.
When the big event happens, it usually takes weeks of imaginative planning to set it up. Perhaps several correspondences. Then telephone calls. Sometimes it takes months, possibly years of persuasion and discussion. It is a gradual process meant to ensure that everything will go well. They want the women to be comfortable because this is a dramatic breakthrough experience, leaping over the wall, and they want it to be happy. They are unsure as to why they are doing it, but they want to.
Bursting free of generations of marital fidelity is done carefully. Leaping over the wall into the wide open field of sexual openness, is set up in secret. The big day comes and goes. If it was a happy encounter, the couple can't go to sleep because they are on such a high. If it is not a happy encounter, they still can't go to sleep because they have to talk. They talk on endlessly into the night and morning hours about what went wrong. The next morning, there is more talk. Suddenly the idea of sexual intimacies with other people is no longer a fantasy. No matter what the outcome was, happy or not, it now falls within range of the possible, the probable and the real.
Most couples enter the lifestyle in this manner. It is exciting and titillating and there is no end to the wellspring of new ideas that bubble up from within. Life takes on new meaning and couples fall in love all over again. Or fall back and regroup, stuck in a no-man's zone. Hopefully, the thrill of discovery charges them. They are starting something new together. They're not cheating or having affairs. The energies, needs and desires for something "more", that were once repressed, are now free. There is mutual agreement and permission.
At this stage, they don't realize that those energies are energies of love. They are opening to more love, both for each other and for themselves. They are going to expand their potential and become bigger people.
They talk about rules and what they can't do and can do. They build parameters around it. Soon they are taking baby steps to reach out to others. Eventually they will be invited to private parties and other events. They may want to join a club or a group of other couples. Are they ready for this? They do not know, but something is urging them on. They are curious and want to see what else is going on in the arena of sexual sharing.
They are excited to try it but they have to be on the same page. First they decide it's a "go", then a "no go". Going to a stranger's home is not exactly comfortable but finally contact is made. What are the people going to be like? Will they expect too much from us? Will we have to perform? Will we like the people or will we have to make a fast exit?
With so many unknowns there is need for structure. While we all would prefer to meet in spontaneous fashion and go with the flow of our own mood, we can't do that with a group of strangers. There are too many unknown factors. Some basic ground rules need to be established first. An orientation or class of some sort may be the right way to go. But where is there such a class?
Civilized behavior exists because of agreed-upon rules by all the people involved. It creates order. People can't do their own thing in a society of many, whenever they want to. It would create disorder and chaos. It is the same way within the network of couples sexual sharing. Everyone agrees to follow a basic format. Otherwise anarchy would prevail and the powerful would dominate the weak.
It is a lifestyle where men learn to step back a few paces and control their appetites, and women learn to step forward to state their position - they are not going to be brainless submissives to every man they meet. They have their own agendas. Both genders need to make subtle changes.
People who have been attending private sexual parties for 10, 20 and 30 years, know this, and know how to fit in. But newcomers have not had the benefit of this orientation. There are unspoken rules here. It is a unique way of life. It is like going to another planet where all the rules are different. To get along, one needs to be nice, and sexually responsible for their actions. They must learn to hold their passions in check because it is not a free-for-all.
The biggest mistake a newcomer MAN makes in a gathering of this type, is to approach a woman as a sex object, with a gleam and a drool. Because if he does he will be on the outside of the circle looking in and wondering why. It is in very bad taste. Women do not want to be treated as sex objects. They will remember you and avoid you in the future. It is better to learn this before it happens, instead of after. Be a gentleman.
The biggest mistake a newcomer WOMAN makes in a gathering of this type is to lead a man on and pretend to be interested. Men do not have a clue, girls. They really think that when you are nice to them, you are sexually interested and want to go to bed with them. Of course if you ARE sexually interested, by all means, follow through with that. Just be aware that men like to be told where they stand. They get confused easily. They don't know whether to pursue or fall back. They are hurt when you lead them on and then drop them like a hot potato. The burden is on you to state your position.
Men who have a measure of control over their sexual needs and desires are those who think with the brain above the waist. They are more civilized in their behavior and have a much better time at their parties than those who think below the waist. By thinking above the waist, you may not get what you started out wanting, but you are probably going to have a wonderful sexual encounter and go home smiling.
You will find parties of this nature are pretty much the same in every state. There is an understanding of lifestyle etiquette. You need to know what that is. There may be minor variations in different cultures, but there is a rule of thumb which is common sense. It's also an underground. Don't be loose-tongued.
Being involved in an underground activity, a new couple has to be careful who they tell. Others in their family, even a close sister or brother, probably do not share your feelings about this. They may find it morally wrong and decide to tell somebody else about it to try to persuade you against it. It is essential to keep it quiet or families could be broken up, jobs lost and reputations ruined.
Because it is becoming increasingly more popular with loose tongues flapping in gossip, a new couple will probably be required to sign a privacy agreement such as the one Anakosha requires from its members. Brian is currently working an an internet project called "Lifestyle Privacy.com" to provide privacy protection to a larger audience for a few dollars a month.
Another concern a new couple may worry about is running into someone they know. We don't see this happen very often, but who knows? Your next-door neighbors could be part of the movement and show up at the same function. If you do run into someone you know, the proper etiquette is to be friendly and greet them as if you were at the grocery store. "Hi there! How are you?" and not run and hide. That's the sophisticated approach. The unspoken understanding is, "I won't tell if you won't tell," and under the privacy agreement they signed, they CAN'T tell. And neither can you. This is a secret society for now. Maybe someday it will be more open.
It is a culture that has it's own rules and code of etiquette. It is this code of behavior that needs to be understood in order to fit in and be accepted. That is why emotional and mental preparation is important. It's for you and your own comfort. It's the reason why Anakosha has structured the YIN workshop. We found that a two-hour orientation was just not good enough to prepare people and give them the necessary foundation.
Trust me, there are horror stories out there. When you consider the millions of couples and singles who call themselves "swingers", the chances are you will meet people not to your liking. People are titillated by sex and the unknown. They fantasize about it. Some people will do anything to get their toe in your door, including lie about having a wife or even about their gender.
They come from all walks of life and have a personal past that you don't know about. And so do you. There are all sorts of proclivities, tendencies and perversions out there. Some are very off the wall. Some are just plain obnoxious. Maybe they are drunks or under the influence of something stronger which warps their sensibilities.
Most people in the recreational sex lifestyle do not drink or take drugs. It is for the sophisticated, intelligent and sensitive people who are kind and decent. Be discerning. There are dark forces out there which can drag people down to a lesser level if they're too innocent and are trying to be nice. Follow your instincts to not go there, if you get it.
Anakosha is the path of enlightened sexuality. It goes in an upward direction towards more light, less secretive, less strange, weird or far out. We take the higher road and our doors are open to all who choose this way.
But even if you don't choose this way, try to choose a way that is comfortable for you. If you stretch your comfort into discomfort then you may lose yourself. Try not to do that. Follow your heart and intuition. Your body knows, even if your mind doesn't. Discomfort is a signal that this is not for you at this time. More talking may be needed to clear the air.
Men who have a measure of control over their sexual needs and desires are those who think with the brain above the waist. They are more civilized in their behavior and have a much better time at their parties than those who think below the waist. By thinking above the waist, you may not get what you started out wanting, but you are probably going to have a wonderful sexual encounter and go home smiling.
You will find parties of this nature are pretty much the same in every state. There is an understanding of lifestyle etiquette. You need to know what that is. There may be minor variations in different cultures, but there is a rule of thumb which is common sense. It's also an underground. Don't be loose-tongued.
Being involved in an underground activity, a new couple has to be careful who they tell. Others in their family, even a close sister or brother, probably do not share your feelings about this. They may find it morally wrong and decide to tell somebody else about it to try to persuade you against it. It is essential to keep it quiet or families could be broken up, jobs lost and reputations ruined.
Because it is becoming increasingly more popular with loose tongues flapping in gossip, a new couple will probably be required to sign a privacy agreement such as the one Anakosha requires from its members. Brian is currently working an an internet project called "Lifestyle Privacy.com" to provide privacy protection to a larger audience for a few dollars a month.
Another concern a new couple may worry about is running into someone they know. We don't see this happen very often, but who knows? Your next-door neighbors could be part of the movement and show up at the same function. If you do run into someone you know, the proper etiquette is to be friendly and greet them as if you were at the grocery store. "Hi there! How are you?" and not run and hide. That's the sophisticated approach. The unspoken understanding is, "I won't tell if you won't tell," and under the privacy agreement they signed, they CAN'T tell. And neither can you. This is a secret society for now. Maybe someday it will be more open.
It is a culture that has it's own rules and code of etiquette. It is this code of behavior that needs to be understood in order to fit in and be accepted. That is why emotional and mental preparation is important. It's for you and your own comfort. It's the reason why Anakosha has structured the YIN workshop. We found that a two-hour orientation was just not good enough to prepare people and give them the necessary foundation.
Trust me, there are horror stories out there. When you consider the millions of couples and singles who call themselves "swingers", the chances are you will meet people not to your liking. People are titillated by sex and the unknown. They fantasize about it. Some people will do anything to get their toe in your door, including lie about having a wife or even about their gender.
They come from all walks of life and have a personal past that you don't know about. And so do you. There are all sorts of proclivities, tendencies and perversions out there. Some are very off the wall. Some are just plain obnoxious. Maybe they are drunks or under the influence of something stronger which warps their sensibilities.
Most people in the recreational sex lifestyle do not drink or take drugs. It is for the sophisticated, intelligent and sensitive people who are kind and decent. Be discerning. There are dark forces out there which can drag people down to a lesser level if they're too innocent and are trying to be nice. Follow your instincts to not go there, if you get it.
Anakosha is the path of enlightened sexuality. It goes in an upward direction towards more light, less secretive, less strange, weird or far out. We take the higher road and our doors are open to all who choose this way.
But even if you don't choose this way, try to choose a way that is comfortable for you. If you stretch your comfort into discomfort then you may lose yourself. Try not to do that. Follow your heart and intuition. Your body knows, even if your mind doesn't. Discomfort is a signal that this is not for you at this time. More talking may be needed to clear the air.
